World War III

It’s hard to imagine another war ever being given the unenviable title of ‘World War III’. Unfortunately an abundance of them have come and gone since 1945 and many continually persist over decades in ‘far-away’ lands (despite widespread press ignorance) that have ‘merited’ the title. During one of these wars in 1999 in Kosovo, we have learned this week that a greater war; a world war; essentially ‘WORLD WAR III’ was averted due to the moral judgement of one young British officer named James Hillier Blount.

Better known now as James Blunt (see what he did there), Blunt was at the head of a column of 30,000 NATO troops where he was ordered to seize Pristina airfield. However the Russians had beaten him to it.  Despite the General’s insistence to take the airfield and overpower the Russian military his British General blocked the order from his American counterpart saying “I’m not going to have my soldiers be responsible for starting World War III”.  Even though Blunt did not directly refuse the order by the American General, he has stated on a recent interview on BBC Radio 5 live, he would have flatly refused the order, potentially risking a court martial. He pointed to the ‘moral importance’ that was instilled in him as a soldier to explain his viewpoint.

So the stories that we have read about James Blunt, (the one who in his post army-days bludgeoned the eardrums of millions with his 2004 hit single ‘You’re Beautiful”) being responsible for preventing a war to rival the two ‘World Wars’ in scale; pain; and suffering are bollocks.  My cynicism may be overwhelming but the timing of the news story is a little too convenient. Blunt has just released his new album (I don’t know or care what it is called). Yes he has to promote his album. Yes this will include interviews with all kinds of media outlets. However releasing a ‘bombshell’ (excuse the pun) such as this promotes the free advertising Blunt and his record label craves surrounding his release. This could be via twitter, facebook, news websites and stupid little rants by bored at work bellends with only a hangover and the internet to keep them company. This is all in addition to the ridiculous exposure stars such as Blunt gain from the media.

His new album is also strategically timed for the Christmas market. What will all those useless husbands get their frustrated wives? We know the usual; perfume, jewellery (that they have given approval on) and never ever clothes. The release of Blunt’s album (and that of Take That) gives them a get out of jail free card when rushing around the shops on the last few shopping days of Christmas thinking what the hell they can get their partners. Releasing Best Ofs and Greatest Hits is a common big record labels ploy at Christmas; an easy way to make big money rehashing and repackaging music those fans of will already own in one format or another. Popping to the shops to purchase the Greatest Hits of Westlife or the new James Blunt album is simply an easy way out to avoid the inevitable disappointed look on your wife’s face; when you get to Christmas morning and have fuck all to give. Least it shuts them up for a bit. However, if I had the unfortunate task of either buying my partner a James Blunt CD and having to listen to it or being nagged at for buying shitter presents than that (or no presents at all), I’d take the nagging every time. Beats his weak wanky posh voice.

Blunt may consider himself a hero or be considered a hero by his former general and fellow soldiers. He may also be a hero to his many fans which I can only presume consist of bored housewives, bad golfers, and fans of middle of the road manure (see Dave Matthews Band, Maroon 5, Scouting for Girls et al). Even if he had saved an alien invasion, cured cancer, discovered an endless amount of natural resources or funnelled part of his extreme wealth into my own bank account, there would NEVER be any excuse to buy or listen to his music. You could say it's a shame World War III didn't happen, because with Blunt being on the frontline there would have been a possibility he would have met his grisly end on the battlefield therefore never 'blunting' our ears with his tepid, emotionless bullshit.